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April 4, 2004
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-=-=-=-=-=-

The Guide to Being Dumped.

-=-=-=-=-=-

~My Version~

[-You don’t like it, then go away. No flames-]

[-Based on Personal Experience-]


-=-=-=-=-=-

Dump (dmp) v. dumped, dump•ing, dumps: Informal. To discard or reject unceremoniously: dump an old friend.

Break (brk) v. broke, (brk) bro•ken, (brkn) break•ing, breaks; up: To bring or come to an end: The couple broke up


-=-=-=-=-=-


This is a guide from one person to another about being dumped. I have just experienced my first break-up, and after the last few days of my own despair, I have come to realize that I wish to assist the boys and girls of the world. First of all, we all know it hurts. Essentially, when it’s your first time. I am here to help get over being dumped, or even prevent future break-ups [-If possible-].


I can feel your pain, the fact that you loved that special someone, but as many people has or have told you, you should move on. I understand if you don’t want to.

Now here is where we begin.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Part-One: Word of Being Dumped.



Yes, that is a gay title, but it describes my section perfectly. XD Alright, hearing word of your other half’s depart is no laughing matter. Any way he or she may put it probably may hurt. Even if they are apologetic, it most likely, will still hurt. [-Pats-] Let’s compare the different ways of getting dumped.


~ In person: This is the best way to be dumped. First of all, you can sit down and talk about it and the Now-Ex-Boyfriend/Girlfriend can easily answer questions or reasons why this is happening. The only problem is that feelings may be hurt so bad, that emotional gifts such as crying or anger might cause a problem in public or become a fatal embarrassment.

~ Telephone: Well, well, well. This is more for the person that wants to hide if they live within the area, but still use their voice, as comfort, or just afraid to face you. The second best way I believe. This is the best way for long distance relationships and online, if they can. Problems caused by this maybe that you can’t talk for too long due to long distance bills, [-EEEWWW!!-] Static from the phones, tear-jerking moments can also block out talking.

~ Instant Messager: Best way for online loven, if you don’t want to pay for extra bills. IM is more neutral. It has both average pluses and minuses. You can cry freely, without them hearing or seeing, you can always just leave if things get too ugly, it’s like being in person, but no sound [-Unless you have Mics-]. If the Dumper wants to be mean, and just submit you one notice simply saying, ”I am breaking up with you. Good bye.” and leave like that, I don’t recommend hanging out with this person anymore. Also, annoyance can get the best of us and turn off the computer without thought. You will regret yourself when they aren’t there anymore and they spend less time on the net with you because of childish tantrums.    

~ E-mail: A BIG NO-NO. Since the fact that they are not there to pick out the mistakes that may have been made, and take the wrong way or you go through it for the entire day without answers or questions to answer. Small notes, like in the Instant Message Section above, “I am breaking up with you. Good bye.” That sucks big time. If you have seen this, move on towards the lower region of the section. It’s better to be told in person or on phone. But when in online relations, I would suggest the best way to wait through Instant Messager or Telephone is more exceptional. The only good thing I can think of is you can cry without being seen in public [-Unless you are in a Public Computer Place-] and move on to your room to comfort yourself.


Now is the time to think. You might want to forget right away on this situation, but its best to get the full story before you do something you might regret.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Part-Two: How to Respond



Being turned down to a dance is one thing. Being dumped is another. Saying something like, ”I HATE YOU! DIE!” is something you might say out of the blue if really hurts. But don’t automatically say, “I hate you! I will kill myself!” then bursting in tears and cut yourself when no one is looking.

NO!

These are things never to do:

~Threatening: Doing something like this can put you up in the insane asylum or put you in jail. You don’t want this. Rumors, being the nasty things they are, can ruin your life and image.

~Bragging like you are going to Cut/Kill yourself, but don’t: Just as bad as threatening. There’s always going to be a tattletale out there. [-Sighs-]

~Cutting Yourself: Scathing your skin isn’t smart. I mean for god sakes, your body isn’t responsible for your break-up. Respect your body and all its wonders. I know some people out there do it for fun or want to be important, but NO! Even using it as punishment is not cool. Scars aren’t sexy! [-Even though I have like 10.. >>;;-] Cuts are meant for accidents people and like Mc Donald’s, they aren’t supposed to be there. =P


~Suicide: The worst case yet. Once more, your body shouldn’t take the blame for your dejected mood. Committing suicide might lower your chances of ever getting a date again and scar the people who care about you, just only over a break-up. Even if you decide to do it, attempts of killing yourself can get you in loads of trouble if you survive, and your parents might not trust you again.

What I would tell you is to tell your Former Boyfriend/Girlfriend is something witty like the following:

“Well, I loved the memories I spent with ya. I hope we still can talk and be friends!”

“I’m sorry to hear that. It’s your loss.”

“I hope your new gf/bf is happy. You made me a very happy person during our time.”

These don’t look too realistic, but realize, they might make you feel better about yourself when you say them because wording like these are large confidence boosters. Never be afraid to speak up!

It’s also acceptable to cry. The very treasures of our bodies are emotional feelings. [-Yes, I sound like a damn philosopher XD But come on!-] Crying expresses the way of how you feel. You love that person with all your heart, and you believe you will never split apart. Everyone on earth wishes this. Never forget this is happening on this planet at every given second, as long as there will be humans walking. So you are never alone. It’s best to think before you act. And I would prefer if you do the thinking more! And consider this, before you do something stupid like abusing yourself, think this:

“As life progresses, never expect life to become any easier.”

Part 3 is meant to help you get your mind off your old lover. I hope you read and get some ideas. And I am open to suggestions! I probably might revise once I get more ideas or I might have forgotten something like I occasionally, might do. ^^;

-=-=-=-=-=-

Part-Three: Recovery



Disclaimer: Results may vary.

Do what it says damn it! Ok, I shall explain how, hm? Ok here’s the deal. When you find yourself in a crying situation, do what you think would get your mind of your-once-other. It all depends on your tastes.

Let me give you some examples:

~ Sports: This, I guarantee this will delete your other for a large amount of the time. Focus on the game and having fun with someone else will work. Taking walks by yourself only cause you to feel worse. If you want to walk, I STRONGLY suggest a friend to accompany you to keep your mind off of things.

~ Art/Music: When thinking about it, there is sooooooo fucking much you can do here. Express your emotions by creating a poem or story. Actually, I am creating a story about my former relationship and it makes me happier to be writing it then reading it. It causes you to remember the good times of your love, and even can help you prepare for the future. Drawing also can help you state feelings. I lost my will to draw for a bit, but I plan to get back on my feet eventually! Music helps me the most. I listen to all sorts. Do not listen to sad, emotional music, we don’t want to be even sadder do we? Might I suggest, Linkin Park’s; In the End song? A very good song to help you get over the depression.

~ Friends: The most powerful concept. They are the ones that will make you feel better no matter what. Talk about new crushes by looking in last year’s yearbook and plans for the future when out of college. When life gives you people, make friends! [-Crickets Chirp-] Damn stereotypical silence.

~ Family: But under no doubt, before friends, there’s family. The ones always to be there for you, and are forced to live with and make the best of. I can’t really say too much for siblings, but parents can understand anything. What happens, happens. And if it works, visit your grandparents, whether they are elderly or not, they can help you get your mind off things with several stories on the way. Hey, I find my grandma’s stories are funny as hell. I want to publish them. They will make anyone laugh their arse off. XD Hehehe, Underwear. [-Yea, I can be such an idiot.-]

~ School: Ummm..I won’t lie to you..This falls sorta under friends since that’s only going to be the only useful pleasure for me..^^; Oh come on, SCHOOL!? I daydream during tests for Christ’s sake. La de fricken da.


-=-=-=-=-=-

Part-Four: Moving Onward towards Life


I am sure you have heard of this before or anything close to this. Well, I don’t want to become your own parents, but as many have told me, it is time to move on. The first two days will be hell, but then, you will begin to adjust. Understand that you are free to feel avoidant [-Meaning: Fears of being rejected and afraid of being embarrassed as a result-], never forget the ones who care about you. Make a list of the people who you love and who loves you back, you will be very surprised on the results.

Hug your parents and say sorry to whomever you may have hurt in all your rage. Don’t cut yourself, don’t say you are going to commit suicide just for attention, trust me, that’s going to put in places you will not want to go, and if your lose your interest in things you love, try going for a walk with friends to take your mind off things. No matter how much it may hurt, your shouldn’t ever forget the ones who love you. Getting dumped will hurt, but your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend still loves you, as a friend or not, they still care about your safety. They could have broken up with you before you got hurt much worse.

And besides, there are other fish in the sea. There’s more then one girl/boy on this mud ball you call earth. It’s the perfect time to ask that special someone that you have fearing for a long time, out. Let loose, and be yourself. If a guy doesn’t like you for being yourself, then they aren’t the one for you. Breaking-up many times only tells you to keep going until you find the right person.

“Never forget who you are.”

-=-=-=-=-=-
This is something that made me feel better to write. Consider reading it when you are going to dump someone or you as the victim.

-=-=-=-=-=-

I want to thank friends and family for taking me slightly out of depression. I am still soaking in it, but not completely dronding anymore. Lets just say I can’t swim.

I want to thank my former lover for the love [-I won’t say names, just in case-], his caring passion, and listening to my random rants. I know I can be a total dumbass sometimes and do idiotic things, but he loved me for being myself. I respect his decisions to break-up with me, though I’ll miss his loving nature and personality. I loved the way he thought and his honesty. Marriage is a very powerful word and love is probably the strongest. I would want to persue that dream into a reality someday. If it had not been for his arrival, I seriously, would have pulled off suicide. And no, I am not just saying that, I am extremely serious. The thought shall never cross my mind ever again. Don’t change just for a girl to love you.

Thanks and Take Care.

With Love Forever,

Lindsay
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:iconfenqua:
Fenqua Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2009
Cutting myself hasn't crossed my mind even once. It's terrible to read people even think about that... But I'm glad you agree with me and explained multiple times about cutting. It's a good guide and I already tried some of the things you said before I read it, lol. I hang around a lot with family, talk to friends and soon I'm going to do sports.

Plus, I'm currently busy decorating my new room and moving my stuff in here. Moving to another place sure helps! <3
Reply
:iconcravingaraving:
CravingaRaving Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2008
you're a lifesaver! being dumped is NOT my cup of tea.
Reply
:iconkotone:
kotone Featured By Owner May 15, 2004
wow..this is really helpful. ^_^; i'm still hurting from an online relationship that kinda turned to dust over the span of two months, and now he isn't even talking to me. but this helps. art..IS very helpful. my friends aren't really much help, because they just say 'he was a jerk'. lol, i know THAT...but yeah. ^_^ thanks for this!! i really got something out of it :3
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:iconher-ickleness:
her-ickleness Featured By Owner May 11, 2004
Great piece you have here, like it alot!! I can definately relate to alot of this, I've been both dumped and had to dump someone, and I can't say which is worse... but meh, life's good, and the show must go on :D
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:iconcookiecrisp:
CookieCrisp Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2004
after reading this i feel that i under stand stuff more it rocks ;)
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:iconpunch-drunk:
punch-drunk Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2004
That was great. You're the next 'Dear Abby'!!!!!!!!!! I'm glad you mentioned the cutting/suicide issue. I'm glad you can share this with other people.
Reply
:iconxauronloverx:
xauronloverx Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2004  Hobbyist Artist
Wow, that was great. o.o *speechless*
Reply
:iconjadedintentions:
jadedintentions Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2004
You did a really nice job of getting your point across, Lindz. I bet you'd be amazing at writing more advice things like this. It's a well constructed "essay", and I feel I absorbed a lot from it. I'll make sure to read this if I ever get dumped, just to see it as something I'm not an outsider to. :)
Reply
:iconbaaingtree:
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2004
:nod: Thanks. I'm actually toying with the idea of being the dumper, not the dumpee (which makes it almost as bad), and this helps, especially the first bit. Still don't know yet. Very good thing to write!
Reply
:iconthornasneedles:
thornasneedles Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2004   Writer
After reading all of this, i feel like i know more. Reading this made me think more, about what i've done with relationships in the past. Breaking up with them online or on the phone, only once have i broken up with somebody in person. Now, after having somebody break up with me, my first thoughts were cutting myself, which wasn't something i should've thought of. After only having one break up, your most recent one, which i'm sorry about, you seem to know a lot and have a lot of insite. This is a great piece you wrote, i enjoyed reading it and it made me think a lot. Great job with this, and thank you.
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